dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
