too bad you live with your parents still
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize