just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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