I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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