if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
