Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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