Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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