The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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