Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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