Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
