hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
