Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
