Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
