As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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