Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
