Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
