You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
