Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
