it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
