Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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