Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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