captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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