we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
