I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize