I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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