Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
