a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
