no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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