if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
