420 ftw
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
