Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
