Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
