I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
