Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
