Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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