Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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