I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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