Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
