Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Toronto

that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

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(916): View more from California

This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot

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(248): View more from Michigan

Am i fat?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Well i wouldnt let you on top

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(914): View more from New York

He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

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(812): View more from Indiana

whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"

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(720): View more from Colorado

Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.

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(409): View more from Texas

Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day

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