he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
