i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
