i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was confusing and full of hummus
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
