i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
