Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
