shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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