Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
