Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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