So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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