No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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