i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
