i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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