It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
