I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
