Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
