from now on my penis is your penis
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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