She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
