it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
