We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
