he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
