If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
