hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm passing your future prison.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
