Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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