low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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