Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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