I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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