I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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