I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
