How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
