I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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