shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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