You really coming over, don't trick.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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