I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
